Curated Ideas
Books, papers and articles that genuinely changed how I understand this work — each with a note on why it mattered. Shared because it helped, not because anything is being sold.
Felitti, Anda, et al.
Paul's note
This is one of the key studies that helped change how people think about early adversity. It shows that what happens to us when we are young can echo through health, relationships and the way we meet the world later on. I include it not to label anyone, or to reduce a life to a score, but because understanding the link between past experience and present patterns can be deeply validating.
Pete Walker
Paul's note
A useful piece for anyone who has ever wondered, "Why do I react like that?" Walker describes fight, flight, freeze and fawn as ways we learn to protect ourselves, rather than as character flaws. That distinction matters. It can help soften shame and create a little more curiosity around patterns that may have started as survival.
Bessel van der Kolk
Paul's note
This is one of the books I most often come back to when thinking about trauma, the body and the nervous system. Van der Kolk explains why trauma is not just something we remember, but something our bodies can continue to respond to. It is not always an easy read, so go gently with it, but it can help make sense of reactions that may once have felt confusing, excessive or somehow "wrong".
Stephen Porges; later, Deb Dana
Paul's note
Whatever the debates about the finer science, this gave me a usable language for something I kept seeing: that people aren't choosing their state, and that safety isn't a mood but a physiological condition. It's why the work moves at the speed of the nervous system, not the speed of insight.
Gabor Maté
Paul's note
The shift from "what's wrong with you" to "what happened to you" is everywhere now, sometimes worn thin. Going back to his actual work keeps it honest for me — it's a clinical stance about adaptation, not a slogan. It's one of the roots of how I try not to over-pathologise.
Brené Brown · TEDxHouston
Paul's note
Easy to dismiss because it's so widely shared — which is exactly why I keep it here. Underneath the popularity is a serious point about the cost of armouring, and it shaped how I think about what makes a first conversation feel safe enough to be honest in.
Nothing here just yet — Paul adds to this slowly, and only when something is genuinely worth your time.
These resources are here for reflection, education and support. They are not a substitute for therapy, medical advice or crisis care. Go gently, take what helps, and stop if something does not feel right.