Adaptation, not fault
Most of what looks like a problem started as a solution. Understanding it that way changes what becomes possible.
A lot of the patterns people most want rid of made complete sense when they began.
The idea, briefly
The behaviours and responses that feel like problems now were often, at some earlier point, the most workable option available. Bracing. Over-preparing. Going quiet. Keeping people at arm’s length. Staying busy. These tend not to be random — they’re adaptations to a situation where they genuinely helped.
The difficulty is that adaptations outlast the situations that produced them. Something that protected you then keeps running now, in a context where it costs more than it gives. That’s not a character flaw. It’s a strategy that worked so well it kept going.
Why this matters in practice
Calling something an adaptation rather than a fault isn’t a kinder spin. It’s a more accurate description, and it changes the next move. You don’t argue a fault out of existence — but you can, slowly, show a protective strategy that the conditions have changed, so it no longer has to work so hard.
What it doesn’t mean
It doesn’t mean everything is fine, or that nothing needs to change. And it isn’t a diagnosis of you or your history — only a lens. Whether it fits your experience is something best worked out in conversation, at your pace, not decided by an article.